Upon the Theft of Time by Routine

I had a realiziation this morning, as I mechanically went through the same set of actions that I do each day. Alarm 1 sounded, and I reached up to the alarm clock and reset it for Alarm 2, to follow in 25 minutes. Soon thereafter, my television alarm came on, and I groped for the remote to turn down the volume. I repeatedly checked the time, and finally dragged myself out of bed at 7:20. After visiting the bathroom, I dressed and filled my pockets with the accessories for the day. As I was pulling on my left sock, the afforementioned realization struck me. "This Routine is stealing my life away".

I spend an average of 5 days out of every calendar week at a job that I don't particularly enjoy. I awake daily feeling less than rested, I drag myself to the job, I pump myself full of caffiene and Red Bull just to keep moving. I complete the menail tasks assigned to me, motivated by fear of losing my job and desire not to be harassed by my bosses, rather than any actual sense I accomplishment that I get from doing said job. I graduated from college in May of 2003, was working by June of that year, and I looked up yesterday to find that it is March of 2005. Nearly two years of my life have elapsed and I do not have much to show for it but a decently large bank account. How is it, I wondered, that I am able to do something that I do not like every day, toward an indefinite end? The answer is routine.

I have gotten to this point in my life by following a routine. For the most part, my days hardly differ from each other. I get up and do the morning routine. I go to work and do the work routine. I come home, eat, watch TV, and eventually head to bed. AND ITS STEALING MY LIFE!! I am getting older and older, and less and less content with the same old thing. I need a new direction in my life, professionally and socially, and there is not laid-out path to follow. In the years through college, you did what you were supposed to do. "Go to elementary school, do well, get into good middle school, do well, get into good high school, do well, get into good college, do well, get good job". I guess the next step in that progression is "do well (in the job)", but it is hard to gauge what doing well entails. I make good money, but dont yet have a raise. I have full benefits, but noone to support with them. The path for career advancement is very undefined, and I don't see much upward mobility from my position. But I have my ROUTINE. I earn my allotment, I save most of it, and I age. Being as I am is not how I want to be.

These are the words of a man who is more frustrated than depressed, but certainly looking for a departure from routine. Perhaps I have an idealized view of how life should be, but I see no reason why my life can not be ideal. Just as there is no set trail for me to blaze, there is neither no obligatory path which I must follow. Why should I not be enjoying every minute of every day? I may well need to become a harder working individual, but right now I can not see the motivation. I continue to look inward, outward and upward for an answer, and forge ahead by adhering to the ROUTINE. "Keep on searching for the heart of gold.....and I'm getting old"- Neil Young